I'm not sure what kind of person it takes who will leave everything familiar and beloved, like family, to go live in a foreign land. To be a foreigner, where you don't really fit in. You may speak and understand the language but not like a native. Where, by nature of the many differences, you will live in relative isolation, despite the friendliness of strangers.
I've asked myself this question many times. What is wrong with me that I'm okay with this? That even at home in America among my loved ones, I long to return to Mexico?
Sometimes I think it might be because it's where Bruce and I were so happy, before he got sick in America and died.
I do feel close to him here. I wish he were with me. Sometimes I think he is.
Places that resonate of your past with loved ones do indeed hold special power.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of foreignness, as a dual citizen I feel both of the places and also somewhat foreign to both, go figure. This I know; no matter where you go, you are always first and foremost from where you started. But you also can't fully go home again. I live with this.
I am envious of people who feel completely at home where they live. I felt completely at home with Bruce no matter the environment.
DeleteIt makes sense that you long for a place where you were with your love…
ReplyDeleteKaren, I bet Bruce is now always with you, even though not physically. I'm glad you have found that solace in Mexico.For his memories and the good times. It's more settling as a place I guess, minus the hustle bustle. Sending you big hugs.
ReplyDeletehttps://natashamusing.com/2026/04/f-is-for-feathered-friends-a-to-z-challenge-natasha-musing/
If that's where your happy memories are, then that's where you should be.
ReplyDeleteIt is not surprising that you want to return to a place of happiness, and I suspect you are getting that happiness in your expat experiences. I'm not a psychologist but it makes good sense to me. Bruce may be near you in some form. and you are feeling that love and connection. There are many things beyond our understanding.
ReplyDeleteIt's where your heart is.
ReplyDeleteHe is in your heart and you are where you belong Karen.
ReplyDeleteHe has a kindly face. There is no reason to believe he doesn't visit you in spirit.
ReplyDeleteLisa, Bruce was the kindest man I ever met. I saw that before we were married and continued to see it for the next 48 years.
DeleteI don't think anything is wrong with you. There's something calling to you, and you're listening. Who knows what adventures still await you?
ReplyDeleteThank you, Liz. There is indeed something calling to me, and as my daughter in law says, Why not go while you still can?
DeleteAhhh, this is bittersweet. Love that he was such a kind man.
ReplyDeleteThat doesn't sound abnormal at all - you loved living there and have sweet memories!
ReplyDelete