Prayers of the Psychotic Writer (which would be all of us)

Regardless of where you are in your writerly journey, I bet you have offered up, or shouted out, one of these prayers.

Prayers to begin your journey:

How do I know if I have talent? Stephen King says #1 requirement for a writer is talent. Am I deluding myself? DO I HAVE ANY TALENT?

A novel is 50,000 words? Where will I ever find the time to write 50,000 words? Do publishers accept flash fiction?

What should I write anyway? What's selling these days? I'm not interested in reading YA paranormal romance, how am I supposed to write it?

Prayers to accompany you along the way:

With so many writers out there, how will I ever stand a chance of getting published? Never mind-- I'll write a book and worry about that part later.

I finished my first draft! 57,000 words, typewritten, double-spaced, 305 pages. Now who can I bribe to read it and tell me if it's any good?

How do I find an agent?

Maybe I need a writing class. Should I be taking a writing class?

Are you even listening here? Or are you too busy answering all of Stephanie Meyers' prayers?

Next step:

Holy Crap! How do you write a query letter?

I've been rejected by 95 agents. What now? What now? What now?

Is it my query? Is it my manuscript? Is it my personality or lack thereof?

How does anyone get published? This is too hard! What next? Do I have any talent or am I just kidding myself?

(Don't go back to Step One Prayers! Must not slide backwards, must move forward!)

Finally getting an agent prayer:

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After two years with said agent and still no publisher:

Did I pick the wrong agent? Was I too eager? Should I have queried for another 6 months and gotten more offers?

Does my agent know what he's doing? Does he have my best interests at heart?

How long can I ride this "I've got an agent" train? I better get a publisher pretty soon or I'll lose all my street cred. Why doesn't anyone want me?

Do I have any talent?

After getting a publishing contract:

thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While in editing:

Omigosh this is hard! Will this never end? It's been a year and my editor is still sending me back revisions! Does she even know what she's doing?

Is she trying to change my entire story? Is this the right publisher for me? Does my agent have my best interests at heart?

Will my book EVER see the light of day????

Do I have any talent?

Once the book is published and in author's hands:

thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After book has been out a few months:

Will it sell? Will anyone like it? Is this the right font? The cover looks funny. Does the publisher know what they're doing?

Aaargh, did you see that review? I want to kill myself!! How could anyone write that? Don't they even GET IT??? What if everyone hates my book? What if it doesn't sell? Will any publisher ever want to work with me again?

DO I HAVE ANY TALENT??

Best-selling author, on New York Times Besteller List, super-star celebrity:

How will I ever top this one? What should I write next? What if it's not as good? How will I hold my head up if it's a flop?

Will my readers still love me if I try out a different genre? There's so much pressure now, aargh I can't stand it!!

Who will they get to write the film script? What if I don't like it? What if the film flops? And why hasn't Oprah called?

Now, dear readers, where do you find yourself along this journey of anguished prayers? (It's just a thought question: no need to answer if it's too personal!!)