Prayers of the Psychotic Writer (which would be all of us)

Regardless of where you are in your writerly journey, I bet you have offered up, or shouted out, one of these prayers.

Prayers to begin your journey:

How do I know if I have talent? Stephen King says #1 requirement for a writer is talent. Am I deluding myself? DO I HAVE ANY TALENT?

A novel is 50,000 words? Where will I ever find the time to write 50,000 words? Do publishers accept flash fiction?

What should I write anyway? What's selling these days? I'm not interested in reading YA paranormal romance, how am I supposed to write it?

Prayers to accompany you along the way:

With so many writers out there, how will I ever stand a chance of getting published? Never mind-- I'll write a book and worry about that part later.

I finished my first draft! 57,000 words, typewritten, double-spaced, 305 pages. Now who can I bribe to read it and tell me if it's any good?

How do I find an agent?

Maybe I need a writing class. Should I be taking a writing class?

Are you even listening here? Or are you too busy answering all of Stephanie Meyers' prayers?

Next step:

Holy Crap! How do you write a query letter?

I've been rejected by 95 agents. What now? What now? What now?

Is it my query? Is it my manuscript? Is it my personality or lack thereof?

How does anyone get published? This is too hard! What next? Do I have any talent or am I just kidding myself?

(Don't go back to Step One Prayers! Must not slide backwards, must move forward!)

Finally getting an agent prayer:

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After two years with said agent and still no publisher:

Did I pick the wrong agent? Was I too eager? Should I have queried for another 6 months and gotten more offers?

Does my agent know what he's doing? Does he have my best interests at heart?

How long can I ride this "I've got an agent" train? I better get a publisher pretty soon or I'll lose all my street cred. Why doesn't anyone want me?

Do I have any talent?

After getting a publishing contract:

thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While in editing:

Omigosh this is hard! Will this never end? It's been a year and my editor is still sending me back revisions! Does she even know what she's doing?

Is she trying to change my entire story? Is this the right publisher for me? Does my agent have my best interests at heart?

Will my book EVER see the light of day????

Do I have any talent?

Once the book is published and in author's hands:

thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After book has been out a few months:

Will it sell? Will anyone like it? Is this the right font? The cover looks funny. Does the publisher know what they're doing?

Aaargh, did you see that review? I want to kill myself!! How could anyone write that? Don't they even GET IT??? What if everyone hates my book? What if it doesn't sell? Will any publisher ever want to work with me again?

DO I HAVE ANY TALENT??

Best-selling author, on New York Times Besteller List, super-star celebrity:

How will I ever top this one? What should I write next? What if it's not as good? How will I hold my head up if it's a flop?

Will my readers still love me if I try out a different genre? There's so much pressure now, aargh I can't stand it!!

Who will they get to write the film script? What if I don't like it? What if the film flops? And why hasn't Oprah called?

Now, dear readers, where do you find yourself along this journey of anguished prayers? (It's just a thought question: no need to answer if it's too personal!!)

I Support the Supportive Bookseller

Borders is the best indie bookseller that isn't indie. They have a policy of supporting local authors, whether published traditionally through a large or small press, or self-published. This means if you, the author, live near a Borders, you can call and ask to speak to the buyer. Give her a brief pitch and summary of your book, asking if she would mind carrying your title in the local section.

The answer will be "Bring it in so I can take a look." Take 5 copies and you'll most likely have a cash sale. Your local Borders will also be happy to schedule a signing. If you do well at the signing, selling 20 books or more, your title will automatically be logged into the Borders.com website and can then be ordered from any Borders brick and mortar store in the country.

I guarantee that, if you're with a small press, or without distribution, you won't get this kind of treatment from Barnes & Noble. And if you're self-published, your local Barnes & Noble won't even talk to you. But as soon as your book is listed with Amazon, then suddenly it shows up on B&N.com, linked from the Amazon site. That still doesn't mean it can be ordered in person from a B & N bookstore. It can't. They'll tell you to go home and get it online from B & N.com, which is another word for Amazon.com.

Where I live in the Salt Lake Valley, there are two indie bookstores and one chain indie. The chain indie will take books carried by a distributor. The indies will take them only on consignment. My publisher will not do consignment, therefore these two bookstores do not stock any of the books published by WiDo. Even though WiDo Publishing is out of Salt Lake City and has titles by authors who live here. I don't call that supportive, do you?

It seems to me that the indie bookseller should be supportive of the indie publisher. Right? Farm Girl is stocked in independent bookstores across the Great Plains states. Yet you can't order it from indiebound.org. It's not listed and doesn't show up in the search bar. If you don't live near one of the stores that carry Farm Girl, you'll have to order it from Amazon. Or from this website.

I am all for supporting the local independent bookstores. But why should I when they don't support me as a local author? My books have been well-reviewed, and Farm Girl does well at every store that carries it. (I'm pretty sure Uncut Diamonds will sell out in Ireland but that's neither here nor there.)

What reason do these local stores have for not doing business with my publishing company and stocking my books on a non-consignment basis? No rational reason that I can see, especially considering that it's stocked by a variety of other indies throughout the country. Just not here. Where I live. Where my children play. Where my husband and I sleep.(Godfather 2 throwback there lol.)

So when I want to buy a book, I drive past Barnes & Noble, I drive past Deseret Book (the local indie chain that said no to both my books), I drive 20 miles to get to Borders in Murray, Utah and there I spend money on books. When I was at the Orem (or was it Provo?), Utah Borders for a signing, I spent $40. If I'm traveling and I want to buy a book, I will seek out the Borders and give them my business.

I would love to support the independent bookseller but instead I support the supportive bookseller. That is Borders. Wherever you live, if there's a Borders, know this: they will support the local author. It's their nationwide policy. Long live Borders.

Why You May Not be Published

Serious wanna-be-published-more-than-anything writers must look at the quest for publication like they are  unemployed looking for a job. This article taken from US News & World Report is modified only slightly to meet your current publishing needs.

7 Unknown Reasons You’re not Getting Hired Published

1. You have unreasonable expectations. Everybody wants the perfect job agent, publisher, editor, spouse, car, home, vacation condo, body shape, whatever. But if your criteria are too high, if you're being too demanding, you may well remain unemployed unpublished. Nobody wants to be told to compromise, but the fact is that much of life involves just that, at least temporarily. Analyze your wants and needs. Which are must haves? Which are negotiable? Which can be put on hold?

2. You're relying too much on one search technique. Maybe you are only applying online sending out the same query to everyone, or only networking polishing without submitting or only using employment agencies  submitting to the top six, or only approaching companies agents that you know are hiring accepting submissions. Don't limit yourself to just one job agent/editor search method. Try them all. Cast a wide net, continue to build your connections, get creative.

3. You use the word "I" too often in your cover letter. The most effective way to endear yourself to potential employers  publishers is to put the focus more on them than on you. Show you've done your homework and understand what your target companies kind of books they are publishing. Then tell them how you can fill those needs.

4. You are not demonstrating long-term potential. We get caught up in the moment. We need a job to be offered a contract now. But employers agents and publishers, the good ones at least, tend to think long term. They want to know not only how you will contribute what you have written now but what you’ll be writing in the future, too. That "Where do you see yourself in five years?"  "What's your genre and what else have you got?" question is not just for drill. They really want to know.

5. You are unknowingly repeating mistakes. After interviews rejections, are you taking the time to review and analyze them? Many times the reason you don't get a job  a contract is beyond your control, and, in fact, has nothing to do with you, but not always. Trying to understand why the answer was "No" may help you to fine tune your approach.

6. You have not rehearsed no pitch or promotion plan. You may hesitate to rehearse answers to the most common questions. You don't want to sound canned. You want to be yourself. But consider the benefits of creating great answers to those questions you hear the most (what’s your book about? What makes it different from all the rest? Who's your demographic? How will you promote?)--short, vivid, three-sentence answers brimming with examples and facts--and practicing them until you can speak with conviction and confidence.

7. You put your job search writing on hold while waiting to hear back. Don't we all fall into this trap at one time or another? You've had a super couple of interviews emails with your dream employer agent. You just know you're going to get "the call" any day now. You think, I'm going to hold off until I hear back; after all, I deserve a little break. Well, no doubt you do deserve a little break--but don't. Keep on networking writing, applying submitting, interviewing attending writer conferences and researching agents & publishers until you have a firm job contract offer in hand.

Looking for work a publisher is an enormous project. In many ways it's more difficult, and takes more energy, than even the most demanding job writing the damn novel. So, in the midst of it all, find a way to nurture yourself. Keep on fine tuning and strengthening your approach manuscript. And hang in there.

With thanks and apologies (please don’t sue me) to:

Karen Burns is the author of the illustrated career advice book The Amazing Adventures of Working Girl: Real-Life Career Advice You Can Actually Use, recently released by Running Press. She blogs at www.karenburnsworkinggirl.com

Insomnia Issues

The daughter's wedding went beautifully, thank you all for your well wishes. It was a long weekend and isn't over yet. Wish I could sleep but insomnia reigns due to sensory overload. The emotions with their highs and lows. The fatigue which for me is always trumped by nerves. The comedy, the tragedy, the tears of joy, relief, sorrow and basically the entire human experience thrown together and wrapped up into one incredible event.

I can't wait to see the pictures, yet what camera could capture all that was my daughter's wedding. Nor song either, although opera might work in some instances.

And now that it's over, I'm left with an intense desire to write a story. To express my emotions with words like this man does with music.(Result--music combined with story results in 4 minute clip rich in the pathos of human existence, viewed millions of times on You Tube.)

Thought question: Can books move us like music?

Fairy Cakes and Cupcakes or Gratitude Part 2

I received this cute cupcake or is it fairycake? award from Alexandra Crocodile. I love her blog and her comments. She's clever, funny, and super smart as well! Go check out Friends and Crocodiles if you aren't already following.

And I must apologize for all flakiness with awards. I know I've gotten some I forgot to acknowledge. I know that someone else gave me cupcakes recently but I have completely blanked on who it is. I blame it on-- oh, I could blame it on a million things but today I pick-- the wedding!! As my daughter is getting married Saturday and well, you all know what that does to a mother's brain.

I award this to all of you wonderful writers/bloggers who put yourselves out and take lots of time to read blogs, write posts, comment on blogs and generally give of your time and talents to this writing community!! Please go to my sidebar and look at all those awesome blogs ("The Writers") and help yourself to some new friends. (I'm showing the most recent 25 until Monday, and after that it will go back to most recent 10.)

And grab a fairy cake while you're at it!

Gratitude for Readers & Writers

Susan at Inkspells made this comment: "the act of bravery that writing truly is." How true that is! Writers work hard to create, to communicate and then put the words out there where they are open to rejection, criticism, harsh judgment, along with (we hope!) praise and positivity.

I'm trying something different with my blog list, now putting every blog I follow on my sidebar. But to keep it manageable, only the most recent 10 show up. Doing this reminded me how grateful I am for all of you who enrich my life daily.

I want to say a big thank you to those talented writer/bloggers who write those amazing posts that enlighten me, make me laugh, inspire me and generally make my day! And thank you to those who visit my blog! It is humbling to know that people are reading even the sometimes silly posts I write.

And if you're a follower here but I've not been to your site please let me know so I can follow in return. Just say "Yo, come on over and click the button!"

Deleted Scene-- The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

This is my first ever blogfest, the deleted scene sponsored by My Literary Jam and Toast. I hope you'll pop by and check out all the entries. My deleted scene is not from any particular of the Sherlock Holmes stories, but a scene of one that might have been written, shall we call it "The Story of the Sad Young Man" ?



Holmes stood by the window motionless, looking outside rather than at our visitor. I watched the young man as he sat awkwardly in his chair, apologizing for this unexpected visit.

My friend stared out the window, his aquiline profile stark and intelligent. "Tell us why you are here," he said. "You have my attention. What is your concern?"

The young man mangled the hat in his lap. "I'm getting married, you see, in just a week." He paused, and I congratulated him. Holmes remained quiet and aloof.

The man continued, "My mother and sister are reclusive, and quite unfortunately addicted to opium, a situation which has caused me untold grief and embarrassment. So much so that I can hardly stand to visit them in their abode."

"Where is this abode?" Holmes asked sharply.

"Near the wharf," the man said with apparent shame that his mother and sister would live so poorly. "They had better lodgings, but the opium..."

I nodded in sympathy, understanding the evils of this pervasive addiction.

"Wanting to invite them to my wedding, I stopped by and spoke to their servant, Douglas, a very kind and attentive man who has been with my mother ever since she began her decline. Douglas assured me that, although my mother was ill and unable to see me, that he would give her the message and make sure she attended the marriage ceremony. I wanted to speak to my sister, at least, but Douglas told me she had just gone out. He suggested I return at a later hour."

"Have you seen or spoken to either your mother or sister since then?" asked Holmes, now restlessly pacing the room.

"No, neither one since then. When I returned, Douglas said they were both quite ill. Not wanting to bother them, I retreated. That was last month, and I have had similar experiences every time I go to visit."

Holmes lit his pipe. "When did you last see your mother and sister?"

Our visitor looked down sheepishly. "Not since they moved to this unpleasant location. It's been quite difficult, as you can understand."

"Have you received letters from them?"

"Only a few. And sometimes a message from Douglas. He is quite concerned about their well-being. And since my mother wants nothing to do with me--"

Holmes interrupted to ask, "What kinds of messages?"

"Notes from Douglas that have put me off visiting, apologizing for my mother's refusal to see me. Or information about my sister-- She is in the country for her health. She is indisposed. She feels better but continues to suffer-- Sometimes the letters are in my mother's hand, sometimes my sister's, sometimes penned by Douglas himself."

"And when you do stop in to see them....?"

"Douglas invites me in, and then retreats to tell them of my visit. Sadly, they will never see me. They are indisposed, or in no mood for visitors, or some such excuse. I have left them quite alone for some time now, since neither seemed interested in my visits, and of course you understand how painful it is to see the degeneration of my family in this way."

Holmes puffed on his pipe for a moment, gazing at the young man. My friend knew only too well the problems of these elements. He kept his own secrets.

At last he spoke. "My dear young man, I insist that you go at once to the home of your mother, no matter how painful it is for you, and do not be put off by the man Douglas."

"But, but, I have tried before--"

Holmes hastily cut him off. "I beg of you! Go at once. The welfare of your mother and sister are at stake. Time is of the essence. Begone now. Watson and I will be meet you there shortly."

The man looked confused, but gathered his hat and cane, leaving with all promptness. Holmes then gestured to me. "Come, Watson, we shall make one stop on our way to the wharf."

What if?

Reading Mary McDonald's blog post this morning got me thinking. (Her blog's on my sidebar if you want to check it out.) What if you knew there was a publisher waiting to publish you as soon as you got that current wip done and polished? What if there were no agents, no query letters or rejections to worry about?

Imagine this process: the writer creates the story with all his talent and skill, passes it off to the publisher (and I'm NOT talking vanity press here) who welcomes it with eager smiles--then comes editing, typesetting and printing-- to create the masterpiece that is every author's dream. A book.

And what if there were thousands of people eager to read your book? To pay money for it?

We're writers. We are good at imagining and saying what if. So imagine this scenario. Pretend it's real. How does it change you? How would it change your approach to writing? What would you do differently than you're doing now?

The Joy of Editing a Brilliant Writer

Last year, my publisher asked me if I would consider taking on a few editing assignments. Well, sure, why not? And lucky me landed one that is probably the easiest editing that could have come my way.

This manuscript was a rewrite and resubmit. It originally was over 100,000 words, with a story line that should have been YA but veered into adult territory. The acquisitions editor wanted to know if the author would rewrite and resubmit it as a YA adventure and get it below 100,000, the ideal being 80,000. The author was willing and eager to do so.

The resubmitted manuscript got passed around and approved, and I was so excited to get to be the editor! It's a fantastic story. I want to talk about it but I can't. I've been editing this week and really getting into this story. He's done an incredible job with his second rewrites. It's down to 80,000 words, the narrative goes at a fast, exciting pace and I just can't wait to see this in a book!

The author lives on the East Coast, so who knows if I'll ever get to meet him. But he's a super-talented guy who deserves every success with his writing career!

I'm no longer 32. Can I still crush it?

The book I ordered came. Crush It! by Gary Vaynerchuk, the one I post about here.

I've got several questions after reading it. Like, how can such a little book be so loud? I felt like the author was yelling at me the whole time. His photo on the back flap-- dark, intense eyes staring out at the reader-- unnerved me, and I almost took off the cover. But I couldn't, because I always use the flaps as bookmarks. Even though I didn't need a bookmark with this one. It was so short, I read it in one sitting, while Gary stared me down the whole time. Okay, I get it already! Stop yelling at me!

But do I get it? Do I know how to crush it? Do I even want to crush it? His whole philosophy is to build your personal brand through social media so that advertisers will come find you and throw money at you and you will then be rich beyond your wildest dreams.

Like that scene in the movie, Julie and Julia, where she comes home to a zillion messages on her machine from agents, media moguls, Oprah, Walt Disney...pretty much everyone wants to throw money at her because of her cooking blog.

So apparently that can happen to me if I build my personal brand here on this funky giraffe blog. Oh yeah! I want to be rich beyond my wildest dreams! Then I can do stuff I don't do now. Like check into a really cool hotel-- the third floor, Soda Springs-- and write my next novel.

Still, I don't really believe it. I don't believe ad people will throw money at me and agents will leave messages on my phone. I'm not sure I even want that. My blog title "Reclusive Writer" is there for a reason. Because I really am reclusive!

So if I don't believe it, then why am I up blogging at midnight? Isn't that what loud, intense Gary told me to do? Was I hypnotized? Or maybe it was that diet Coke I drank at 9 p.m.

Crush it? I'm not even sure what it is I'm supposed to be crushing. And I still haven't figured out how to brand myself, or tattoo myself, or whatever the heck it is. I'll sleep on it and think about it tomorrow. Peace Out.