A Winning Query!

  CANDACE GANGER wins the query contest 
                      
                        for her YA novel

                        

                         "9:59 REWIND"

Here's Candace's query, with our comments in red, and specific elements changed to blue for emphasis.


Ms. Maldonado,

At 9:58 pm, a national broadcast of The Next Big Rock Band airs sixteen-year-old Thursday Night Scum starlet, Caty James Greyson, catching a bullet to the chest, but at 9:59 pm, she presses rewind. Nice opening paragraph! Succinct, detailed without being wordy, every word counts to hook the reader. Nothing to change with this opening.

Between her bio dad's mysterious death and pain-in-the-ass brother's kidnapping, both by someone she knows, it's no wonder C.J has issues. Funny! When she almost, sort-of, kills herself (totally on accident), We love this C.J.'s (and Candace's) voice! it's only through a rockin' granny and her love of music with a sweet-as-icing kindergarten crush, nice word juxtaposition does she find the courage to live in the now, instead of the past. Strong paragraph, strong voice, excellent use of words to give us the idea of the story & characters to come.

Just moments before her shooting, at 9:59 pm, C.J comes full circle with the one person responsible for it all, erasing her chance to rewind, forever. Here's the weak spot. This sentence doesn't say much, only reiterates the shooting in the first paragraph and hints at the ability of C.J. to rewind events. It's confusing and needs work. It should tell the defining moment when everything changes for the MC. Who rewinds. What is the event that changes everything for C.J.? That she can't rewind? Or that she gets shot?

Loosely inspired by true events, Again, we love this strong voice here. This is funny. my dark, edgy  Our editors love dark and edgy young adult novel, 9:59 REWIND, is complete at 57,000 words really good length for YA and tells of one girl's determination to uncover the truth, and her dreams, not sure what this means, what truth & what dreams? at all costs.

I’m a freelancer and daily blogger whose work has been featured in various web and print articles. I'm also a winner in the 2010 Sourcebooks/Teenfire Writing Competition. My five-year experience as a professional musician and small town socialite provides the foundation for 9:59 REWIND's track-inspired chapters.Good closing paragraph, shows an involved, dedicated writer who knows her genre and is out there blogging and entering contests. Overall, despite the weak middle, Candace has given us enough to make us believe she can write, has a strong voice, an intriguing idea and we want to see more.

Thank you for your time and consideration. The full manuscript is available at your immediate request. Good, because we want to see it!

I look forward to hearing from you!

Best,

Candace Ganger

(contact information has been removed for this post)

Congratulations Candace!! Here's what makes her query a winner:

1. A strong voice. A must for a query. If your voice doesn't come across in a query, how will it come across in a manuscript?  Being professional is good, but don't be stiff and without personality, or your query will be dull and not accomplish its purpose-- to hook an editor or agent.

2. Useful biographical information at the end. Winning a writing contest, active in social media, and with the background (being a musician) to make her story & character authentic-- excellent info to include.

3. Intriguing main character. Funny,  edgy, "sixteen-year-old Thursday Night Scum starlet, Caty James Greyson" sounds interesting, and her character comes across in the query.

4. Compelling story idea. How does the rewind work actually? Our acquisitions editor wants to know more.

Candace blogs at The Misadventures in Candyland. She included the link in her query, and Allie went to the blog to check it out. She liked the look of it, she liked the bio, and it only reinforced her desire to see more of Candace's work, especially this manuscript.


Candace, submit your first three chapters electronically to Allie (submissions@widopublishing.com) for her review. Congratulations on your win! And thank you to all who entered. There were over 30 queries submitted!

How to Write a Query to Get You Published

Thanks to all who submitted entries to the query contest. And you still have until midnight tonight (Saturday) to submit. Allie will have a winner next week, I'm guessing Monday. Or Tuesday. Or Monday. Meanwhile, she gave me permission to post her fave from WiDo's files. Not one of the contest entries, this query came through submissions and made her say "YES!" The project is currently in editing and scheduled for 2011 release. Let's take a look. (editorial comments in red).

(This was copied and pasted from a PDF file and it is doing odd formatting things in blogger. I'm not sure I want to keep messing with it or formatting may get worse instead of better. Just be aware that the spaces and weirdness came from me and Blogger, not from his query letter.)

Dear WiDo Publishing,

You know the neighbor down the street who looks a little like a rodent? What if he’s actually part
gerbil? Or that beaky store clerk? She could be one-fifth cockatoo. What if half-humans/halfanimals
have lived incognito for centuries, blending in seamlessly? And what if you were the only person on earth who could see through their ruse?  A few too many "questions" in the opening paragraph. Better to balance it with statements. For example, change 3rd question to "Take that beaky store clerk." And change the What if half-humans/half animals... question to "Imagine a world where half-humans/halfanimals have lived incognito for centuries, blending in seamlessly." This mixes it up a bit for easier reading.

Thirteen-year-old Wilhelm Tuttle (aka Will) lives a boring, friendless life trapped in a sterile
bubble, suffering from mysterious allergies no doctor can explain. A bubble boy! Intriguing to insert this element into an already interesting plot idea! Who doesn't love a bubble boy? But everything’s about to change Every query needs an "everything's about to change" section, whether you use those exact words or not. The everything changing for the MC is what makes the story. Include it in your query. as he learns his countless allergies have a single, bizarre source—enchants, a society of half-humans that have lived among mankind for generations. Their existence is history’s best kept secret. Spotting them is next to impossible. Enchants have become far too clever at keeping their tails, scales, claws and feathers hidden from everyone…everyone but Will. This last section of the paragraph is killer. The first paragraph was a tiny bit weak with all the questions, but this second paragraph has it all. An intriguing MC, the everything's about to change hook, and the plot turns & twists SUGGESTED, NOT OUTLINED. Now the editor's  imagination starts working overtime and she can't wait to read the sample chapters.

The ability to see enchants makes Will something special, but it also makes him a target. Soon a
misfit team of half-human bodyguards has to be sent in to keep him alive. Awesome! In two brief statements, we have numerous story possibilities-- conflict, characters, tone, strange world environment, life or death situations, what's at stake-- nicely wrapped up here to make this a query no editor could resist. Especially not one who loves fantasy, and enjoys medical/health complications (he probably had her at "bubble boy.")

Enter Dr. Noctua, a feathery physician with the face of an owl; Kaya, a beautiful tigress plagued
by anger issues; and Rizz, a wisecracking man-ram who never acts his age. Ahh, the possibilities for characters!. These sound intriguing, with the promise of even more to come. Their assignment: to
help Will overcome his fears and blend into a society that isn’t supposed to exist. But when Will
stumbles upon a sinister plot that threatens to destroy enchants everywhere, blending in becomes
the least of his worries. More hooks to let us know what's at stake. Faced with wolf-man attacks, deadly stampedes and carnivorous enchants with a taste for thirteen-year-olds, Will scrambles to discover who’s forcing enchants to lose their humanity. Hints of thrills and action to keep the reader turning the page Can Will find the culprit in time? Or will he have to sacrifice himself to save his newfound friends from becoming slaves to their own instincts? Another perfect paragraph. I'll bet by now everyone of you WANT TO READ THIS BOOK.

Wilhelm Tuttle and The Silent Sanctuary is an 87,000-word middle reader fantasy adventure with
a powerful value-centric message. Think Men in Black meets Fablehaven (A bit long but generally our editors prefer more material going in that less, for reasons too detailed to go into here.)

On a personal note, I studied creative writing (studied writing a plus, always include albeit briefly if you have educational background in creative writing) at Brigham Young University where I double majored in Communications Marketing and Visual Arts Design with a minor in English. Without being lengthy he's saying that he's well-educated in areas which will contribute to his success as an author. For the past decade I’ve worked the Madison Avenue and Detroit advertising circuits, where my writing (note how he emphasizes writing again) and marketing earned a New York Festivals Silver World Medal, a Cannes’s Finalist nod, and six note six!  IAAA awards. He's in advertising? And marketing? By now WiDo submissions editor is giddy with enthusiasm. Once, I thought I saw a well-dressed possum in Grand Central Station and I’d be
willing to bet the night guard in Detroit was half pit-viper, but it’s so hard to be sure. This sentence is the clincher. He's clever and witty, and sounds fun to work with. By now Allie is laughing with delight saying "I WANT THIS!"

As per WiDo Publishing submission guidelines, I’ve included the first three chapters of my finished manuscript for your review. ALWAYS FOLLOW THE PUBLISHER GUIDELINES. This is so important. Read the submissions instructions very carefully. This writer did his research. He studied WiDo's website and knew his story was a good fit. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you. He doesn't include any personal information, but limits his letter to the story and to his qualifications-- which is excellent. Although our families and marital status are important to us, they don't matter to an agent or editor. Keep it business-like, yet not stiff. James pulled off the exact right tone here.

Best,
James Gough

This one is about as good as it gets. Though his opening paragraph, which should be the strongest to hook the agent or editor, is actually the weakest, it's followed by a very strong one, and another and another. So the one question after another opening is quickly overlooked.

Make every word count. This query is not wordy or rambling, but concise and pithy. The tone is perfect-- professional yet not stiff, clever and personable without taking liberties and pretending like he and the editor are buddies. Pay very close attention to the tone of your query. You do not want to come across as being too odd, too friendly, too stiff, too arrogant, or too-- anything. 

Be sure to save the background and personal information for the last. Your opening paragraphs must hook the reader. Get right to the story.

Thank you, James Gough and Allie for letting me use this query here. It's  an excellent example of  how to write a query to get you published!

The Secret to Getting Published

What it's not:

• Having an idea no one's ever used before. (There's no such thing. Shakespeare saw to that and Dickens took care of whatever Shakespeare might have missed.)

• Being famous or related to someone famous. (It might get you noticed but there's got to be some talent to back it up. Still, they might put your face & name on a ghost written book, if you're really famous.)

• Writing the perfect query. (Be natural, be normal not needy and let your story speak for itself. There is no perfect query format. Even if there were, and you write it, how many query letters do you see for sale at Borders?)

• Getting the busiest and best-looking agent on the internet. (That one who looks like Tom Cruise comes to mind.)

• Getting a degree in creative writing. (Helpful, since hours of creative writing are required to get said degree.)

• The result of a highly popular blog with tons of followers. (Notwithstanding the scene in Julie Julia where 6 dozen agents leave pleading messages on her voice mail.)

Although if you have achieved any of the above points, you are fortunate indeed, (especially if you have that agent who looks like Tom Cruise). And you are definitely farther along the path to publication than the guy next door who says he's writing a novel but spends all his time on the Wii.


Then what is the secret to getting published? Come closer and I'll tell you. Are you ready for this?



You have to want it more than you want anything else. You must want it with every fibre of your being.



The rest of the secret:

• You will need to give up stuff to write. Lots of stuff. Like maybe, free time and all the fun things you see other people doing. Be responsible and prioritize (especially if you have young children). But make time to write.

• Writing well isn't easy or fast. It's a long, slow slog into awfulness involving disappointment, discouragement, depression and all those other "d" words until you begin to see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Be prepared for the long haul.

• Never quit until your prose sparkles and jumps off the page, until your characters come to life and your story strikes a universal chord. You may have to write six novels (like Talli Roland did) before you finally write the one that's got IT. Or spend ten years on one manuscript until it becomes a novel worth publishing. (Hello Uncut Diamonds.)

• Seek out and research every agent, every publisher, every avenue to publication that you can find. Don't be a publishing snob, thinking that only the best will do. A small press or an unknown and/or less attractive agent may offer you a contract and provide invaluable experience with editing, publishing and marketing.Your book could be on store shelves while your friend who snagged that extremely good-looking much busier agent is still waiting for an offer.

• If, after extensive research, you choose to self-publish or epublish, you won't rush into it with a poor quality piece of work. Nor cut corners on editing, design and typesetting, because you know that, in the end, it means nothing unless  readers (who are not your relatives) willingly shell out cash for your book.

• One finished manuscript or one published book is only the beginning. This is a career not a hobby. Never rest on any hard-won success. Celebrate then get back to it. Your best work may not yet be written.

• You might get lucky and hit the big time fast, but then what? Keep going. And going. Stephen King wrote On Writing after an accident that nearly killed him. He was in so much pain he could barely write for thirty minutes at a time-- a man with countless bestsellers to his name and plenty of money-- yet he did not stop writing.

There it is people. The secret to getting published. Go after it!